Living not existing

The most difficult phase of your life

When the whole world seems to be against you.

You wallow in self doubt, self pity, self loathing

You raise a wall surrounding you,

You discourage yourself going out

meeting friends and family

You start distancing from family

and go into a shell

You enjoy being a prisoner inside

Your whole life crumbling around you
and
Your life becomes a hell 

Your breath becomes just air

and

Living just becomes existence

Some days dropping dead 

Seems better than living.

But something keeps you going

Hoping one day you turn around your life

You pull yourself up

Or 

Some angel pulls you up

The angel can be

Your family, your friend, 

Or may be your kid.

You restart your life from the deepest pit

You rebuild slowly brick by brick

You take your time to gain confidence

to face the world

And just in a matter of time

Years go by and you become a new self

With all the wounds healing, leaving the scars

People around you will not know

what you have gone through

Even you may not think about it now.

But suddenly,

an image crops up from your past

All your emotions floods back

Reminding you how successfully,

You have got out from hellhole

You may not be as successful as your friends

You may not have fulfilled your potential

But you know

You fought the toughest battle of your life

And living to tell the tale.

More than anything else

You are breathing and living, not existing.

அழகிய மலர்கள்

அன்னம் போன்ற வெண்மை 

வெண்மை போன்ற வாழ்க்கை

வாழ்க்கை தேடும் வசந்தம்

வசந்தம் தரும் வாசம்

உன் வாசமின்றி நான்

என் சுவாசமின்றி நீ

நீ நான்

அழகிய மலர்கள்

The Road to Nowhere

Back on the road

To reach destinations

Every day 

a different place and different room

But only constant is

Me hopping between places and hotels

Days dies away in the work

Nights whiles away in sleepless travels

Days becomes weeks, 

Weeks becomes months,

Months becomes years.

All this takes a toll on health

Sleepy eyes, zombie walks

Painful body and restless mind

But the worst hit is family

The relationships taken for granted

The daughter misses her play time 

She is frustrated, her father is always away

When he is with her, he only has excuses

The wife 

Juggling between demands of the job

And needs of the household

She too needs downtime

But too many needs and

Unavailable me makes her bursting at the seam

When im there,

Even simple pleasures like going out

has become a planned activity

Living like this all because

We want to make a better future for us

Fogetting

Whether there will be better us in future

Living the life on edge

Living the life on edge

Getting adrenaline rush to do the job

Flying around countries

Helping the helpless

Giving succour to the needy

To just see a smile from them

Escaping from the firing rebels

Losing a friend to bullets

Bloody hell

Even shot at

And

Nearly dead for few days

All these were worthwhile

For

The camaraderie i shared with my friends

And

When i see the smiles of the kids

Its been a roller coaster ride

The ride i relished and enjoyed

Now

Just confined to the house

With broken wings

And duties to fulfill for the family

Looking forward to the day

When i can pack and go back

As

The world needs people like me

With the commitment it takes 

to help people against all odds

And

Longing for the day

To live the life on edge

Love Prison

Love such a wonderful and divine feeling

For some 

Love makes them humane

For some

It elevates them to divine

Unconditional love liberates you

Without expectations

Love over powers you to be

The best of you

And make the one you love

The best of them.

But what if 

The same love 

Suffocates you

Restricts you

Pushes you to a corner

Raises a prison around you

And slowly

Kills deep inside of you

You slowly lose yourself 

You forgot who you were

You cant recognise who you have become

And 

Even the simplest of pleasure

Has become a life goal

The past you, 

has become a distant dream.

But you want to reclaim the past

You want to become the older you.

The one who loved the man

And

The one who was loved by the man

But you think there is no way out

The love has become a prison

The prison of commitment

The prison of family

The prison of kids

You want to find the courage to break free

Searching for a way out

To break out of the bird cage

And

Fly away to the distant dream land.

Soulmates

Life surprises you

It throws up so many possibilties

At any age

At any time 

And 

To anyone

When the life running like a rivulet

Suddenly a gush of flash flood happens

Floods of emotions

Bursting through veins

Heart beats like crazy

Adrenaline rushes makes you hyper

You are bursting at seams

Just in a moment everything changes

What you call a moment of madness

I call

A moment of perfection

Amidst all the imperfection in this world.

My Life without Me

Crossing forty and looking back

Am a house wife..

Oh no no , a new monicker

Home maker

See everything is politically correct

Atleast in writing

Taking care of family happily

I think so.

When i look back

I was my Father's daughter

I was my Husband's wife

Now

Iam my Kid's mother

In future

I will be some grandmother.

But where am i?

Oh i was me for few years

When i was in college,

I was the best of me

Exploring new me

Adoring friends,

Doting teachers

Secret crushes

Had the best days of me

Oh

Actually I was me

Even when i worked 

I had the better days of me

I was called my name

I was treated as me and equal

I had super fun as super woman

A woman for all seasons and reasons

Now,

I just miss those days,

I would love to be me

I dont want to be somebody's 

I want to be called as me.

Above all else

I want to find my new Self

Prison

Today happened to see a prison in passing. With high walls, security and restrictions, i could not avoid losing myself in thought.
Everyone is in some sort of prison, restricting themselves in it by themselves or by others or by circumstances for various reasons.

The prison can be their family
The prison can be their job
The prison can be their ego
The prison can be their spouses
The prison can be their kids
The prison can be their love

But the worst prison to be restricted is the mind.

We all want to break free of the prison we are living, its suffocation, its restrictions and eventually breath freely. Experiencing the magic of floating around and living freely can be the ultimate high everyone secretly wishes for.

Together getting to gather

Together getting to gather

Life is in a fast lane

Grinding out days with vagaries of life

Reminiscing about the memories of friends we made

We

Engage ourselves with the emoticons of virtual world

And

Longing for the day we spent among friends

When we finally gather together to celebrate,

Just felt like we are the same old same old friends 

With some lose of hair and gain of paunches.

Needed super imposing of the present image over the past one

Re establishing the missed connections, sharing about the past and present.

Surprises galore with who they are and what they are.

The day flew away 

with incessant laughter accompanied by the belly and made us 

Remembering about the past, relishing our present and rekindling our spirit for the future.

Thanks for the day and looking forward to another

Memories

Memories

Mom speaks mostly about her memories and stories.

Seen this, done that, cooked that, went there.

For us it may be boring

When people age it is the memories keeps them going...

When we live, we make memories

Happy, sad, agony, joys,love,pain

With our friends,family,partner,kids.

We can have everything in life

But if we don't have memorable life

We will not have anything to share

When our hair turns grey

When our skin wrinkles

When our walk slows down

All we left with is just our memories and stories

And people to share with it.

If not for our memories

We are just vegetables in human form.

The worst we could endure is

We lose our memory or

No one to share with it.

To the bright sunshine of my life

To the bright sunshine of my life.

Oh my beautiful

You are the breeze on a sunny day

You are the warmth on a cold night

You are the raft to cross the river

You are the life jacket in stormy ocean

Oh

You are the reason me being me

Oh baby

You are the smell im looking for

You are the hug i need now

You are the kiss my lips miss

Your smile is what keeps me going

Oh

the sweet headache of mine

You are the companion of my life jouney

Oh my beautiful

You are the bright sunshine of my life

Death of a friendship

Death of a friendship

Friendships die

Just like everything else

For lack of trust

Or

For being hurt

For lack of communication 

Or

For too much possessiveness

Due to our ego 

Or 

Due to imaginary walls

Some die a slow death

As we part ways in 

Interests or distance or job

But

The one which rankles the most is

The one which vanishes suddenly

No reason, no words, no idea, no contact

Its as if some part of your life taken away abruptly

You just can never forget, 

It is always eating your mind

Why? The question will always hit you.

You will search for the friend

Atleast to know Why?